Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
