K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
