Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
