1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't like sucking hair
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
