If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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