There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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