Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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