all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
