I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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