I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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