i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
