i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
