Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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