CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
