yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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