Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
