O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
