Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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