i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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