Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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