Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My life is pants optional.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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