I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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