I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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