I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
