I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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