My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize