dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
