we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
