I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
