She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
