He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
