Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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