dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
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