Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
