420 ftw
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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