Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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