Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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