I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize