I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
