whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
