So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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