Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize