Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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