Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
