That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
