no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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