Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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