using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
