don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I touched a dick in church today
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize