the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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