I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper