Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?