my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut