i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences