I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
