Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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