I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
