Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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