Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
