I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
