another moral hangover. fuck.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
