I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
