Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
